Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Disney Takes the “Splash” from “Splash Mountain”

ORLANDO- It looks like Disney’s “Critter Country” is about to become a “dry” county as construction crews and Imagineers at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom have been working overtime to put the finishing touches on its “reimagined” “Splash Mountain” log flume ride. 

And though Br’er Rabbit, Br’er Bear and Br’er Fox will still be there, the “splash” will be removed from “Splash Mountain”.

As part of the company’s five year old  “Me-ECO Mouse Initiative”, Disney executives have introduced renewable energy into the iconic vacation resort’s power grid and have installed recycling bins at all of the hotels and theme parks.  However visitors will really see the family entertainment company’s commitment to reducing water waste with the “Splash Mountain” retrofit.

“We at Disney wish to demonstrate that we are good corporate citizens through our commitment to retool our attractions so that they are friendlier to the environment,” said Disney vice-president of Green Affairs Millicent James.  “Visitors will enjoy the new Br’er Mountain just as much as they did Splash Mountain.”

For the past six months “Splash Mountain”, the dark/flume attraction that brought visitors through scenes from Br’er Rabbit’s adventures while coursing through minor falls with a climatic 53 feet, 45 degree slope run, has undergone a major overhaul to convert the water ride into a roller coaster, similar to Sea World’s Journey to Atlantis ride, though unlike the latter, which is part steel rail roller coaster and part water flume ride, the new “Splash Mountain” will be a roller coaster and renamed “Br’er Mountain”.

Disney’s Imagineers will retain all of the scenery, music, character dialogue and animatronics with the refurbished attraction.  Fog machines will mask the ride’s rail system and the final drop will be shrouded in a thick mist so riders cannot see the bottom.  As the mist would reflect camera lighting, the ride will no longer offer its trademark snap shot photos.  Guests will be invited to pose for pictures with Disney cast members dressed as Br’er Rabbit characters at the gift shop near the ride’s exit.

“We at Disney wish to demonstrate that we are good corporate citizens through our commitment to retool our attractions so that they are friendlier to the environment,” said Disney vice-president of Green Affairs Millicent James.  “Visitors will enjoy the new Br’er Mountain just as much as they did Splash Mountain.”

The latter had been a problem for Disney officials as some riders took advantage of the ride’s photo aspect, with some park patrons making a point of showing explicit hand gestures, wearing clothing with profane language printed and the occasional woman bearing her breasts (which led to the attraction being referred to as “Flash Mountain” by snarky Disney employees). 

Shortly after opening to park visitors in 1992, “Splash Mountain” had been criticized for its politically correct adaptation from the film “Song of the South”, the lone Disney feature to have never been released to home video.

While Disney has invested over $35 million (almost half the ride’s original construction price tag) on removing the water aspect of the attraction and adding metal rails, some park enthusiasts are less than pleased the more environmentally responsible ride. 

Schuyler Wheeler, a former park employee who runs the unauthorized Disney fan/gossip site WeAreAllEars.com, has been monitoring the negative feedback about the ride’s changes.

“Until the addition of the Toy Story Midway Mania at Disney Hollywood, Splash Mountain was the premier ride at the Florida parks,” said Wheeler. “Purists have really mourned the demolition of longstanding attractions such as Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.  The shift from a log flume ride to what amounts to a ‘wild maus’ roller coaster with animatronics is not an improvement.”

Republican Kissimmee Commissioner Wayne Guerra, a vocal critic of the theme park’s political correcting of attractions chided Disney for what amounts to be an empty gesture to the green-crowd. 

“Between the lakes and the swamps, central Florida is full of water.  There is no shortage of water here.  This is a typical corporate sop to the eco-lobby to cover up for the millions of gallons of water they use at their water parks and resorts.  Hell there’s a giant lake you have to cross just to get to the park.  Why don’t they just syphon some of that for the ride?” asked Guerra. 

Disney officials stand by their position.

“A greener society can be everyone’s ‘Happy Place’,” said James, playing off one of the songs from the attraction. 

“Right wing conservative cranks like Commissioner Guerra can spend their APRIL FOOL’S DAY piddling around a crappy glass bottom boat at Silver Springs with the rest of the losers.”